The Glass is Half Empty
by midnightoasis
Summary: The quasar's always more luminous on the other side of the universe.
1. Waiting for an angel

A/N: Hello all! ^_^ Well, this is my first fanfic posting in a looong time after taking down the few that I had written about a year ago. This story is about a favorite character of mine from the game Xenosaga (which I unfortunately do not own), who I also understand is disliked by many fans of the same game. I couldn't help but commiserate with the down-on-his-luck Allen Ridgeley, and be slightly angered that the game designers had gone so far in making him an object of ridicule (I'm thinking of a certain bathing suit so _horrifying…I shudder to think of it.)._

            However, they also made it a point to show his loyalty in the face of adversity, bravery (fighting off the Gnosis on the _Woglinde, entering the Encephalon, following Shion into "_the very depths of hell_"), as well as an unrequited love that manages to remain pure and intact despite the lack of reciprocation he receives._

            Aside from his whining and on-the-surface lack of help, I still find Allen to be admirable and a perfect empathetic source for all of us who, at one time or another, have looked love in the face only to find a cherished friend…and one who is unlikely to return the feeling at that.

Ok, Chibi Allen, get out here to do my disclaimer! Methinks the audience has had enough of my rambling while still not getting to the story. . .

            *Chibi Allen pops up*

Allen: Chief? Did you call me? Ack! Who are you?

Me: You're number 1 fan! Now make my disclaimer so I can get on with my story!!

Allen: *sweatdrops* Um, whatever…Uh, midnightoasis doesn't own Xenosaga, its plot, or its characters, and any usage thereof is simply in tribute blah blah. And she doesn't own me. Hey wait a sec! That means I don't have to do this disclaimer! Damn, you're making me miss Mystery Science Theater 10,000 you jerk! 

            *chucks odd food substance at author and leaves*

Me: *dodges the lobbed curry* He'll be back. In the end, they always come back! ^_^

Anyways, on with the show! Er, fic!

The Glass is Half Empty: The Life of Allen Ridgeley

                                    Chapter 1: Waiting on an angel

******************************************

**_            Waiting on an angel. _**

**_            One to carry me home._**

**_            Hope you come to see me soon,_**

**_            cause I don't want to go alone, _**

**_            I don't want to go alone._**

**            ~Ben Harper, _Waiting on an Angel_**

******************************************

            "**Hey! Hurry it up with that coffee, boy! We're getting' thirsty in here!" A loud, rough voice boomed over the intercom as a lanky young man splashed coffee into several waiting thermoses.**

            "Yeah, yeah. Hold your horses," he mumbled to himself and raked a hand tiredly through his short brown hair. He sighed and resumed his task.

            As he tried to stifle a yawn, he spilled some of the hot coffee on his hand and let out a yelp. "_Dammit_!" Rushing to the sink, he poured cold water on his burns, hissing air between his teeth in a sharp inhalation as the water made contact with his reddened flesh. He could already see the hand starting to swell.

            Grimacing, he capped the last thermos, gathered all four up, and rushed out the door of the kitchen to head towards the bridge.

            As he made his way into the room where the captain and his crew were not-so-patiently waiting, Allen winced at the yelled complaints of Matthews and bit back any comments of his own.

            "_Geez_, kid! What took ya so long?!" Captain Matthews hopped down from where he had been perched on his seat to flip off his red cap, run a hand across his sweaty brow, and sling the hat back on.

            "I'm sorry I'm late, it's just that I burned…_Whoa!!"_ The young man tripped on a cord that had been lying across the floor, falling flat on his face and sending the contents of the thermoses he was carrying splattering everywhere.

            Another young man with glasses and rather spiky hair let out a giggle. "Heh, sorry bout that," he said, gesturing to the cord, while the blond pilot began to groan about the lost coffee.

            The unfortunate young brunette pushed himself to his feet, looking at the enormous brown stain that now graced the front of his uniform's jacket, and he bit back the frustrated tears that threatened to escape from the corners of his eyes. Matthews walked up to him and got in his face.

            "What in the hell was **_THAT?!_** All ya had to do was carry the friggin' _coffee_…even a Suzie like you should be able to pull that off! But _no! You make this big mess, waste **_MY_ coffee, and now I'm gonna be crankier than a neutered dog **__when the bitches are in heat!"_

            "I-I…" The young man stared at the floor, his large blue eyes growing wide and glassy.

            A boy with a shock of unruly silver hair calmly placed one gloved hand on the seething captain's arm in a soothing restraint.

            "Come on, captain. It was just an accident. Here, I'll go get your coffee myself," he said, picking up an errant thermos that had rolled into his foot. "No harm done." The captain's face softened somewhat.

            "Aw, alright, chaos. But _you_," he pointed at the pair of brimming blue eyes, "had better get this cleaned up pronto!" He scowled as he heard snickering in the background. "And since Hammer here is so amused by the situation, he'll help ya!" He walked back to his seat, cursing as he slid in a puddle of rapidly cooling coffee.

            The snickering stopped abruptly. Hammer, the man with the glasses and spiked hair, jumped up and held out his hands plaintively. "C'mon, captain! Why should **I help clean up 'cause he's such a klutz?"**

            "Because I said so. Besides, who do you think the moron is that left that nav cable he tripped on lyin' in the middle of the damn floor?" This time the laughter came from the pilot. Hammer made a face at him.

            "Shut up, Tony."

******************************************

            As the unlucky young man made his way to the showers (after spending half an hour cleaning while Hammer harped on about how clumsy and useless he was), he heard someone behind him cry out, "Hey, you! Wait up!" It was Tony.

            "Hey, uh, since your uniform's kinda…out of commission for the moment, you can borrow some of my clothes. They're in the closet by my bunk."

            The other blinked his eyes confusedly. "Uh, thanks…I guess."

            Tony shrugged. "Forget about it. You look like it's been rough for you lately, so I figure a little friendly gesture won't hurt. Plus," he whispered conspiratorially at the confused young man, "It might even help me score some points with that Shion chick _if you know what I mean."_

            He resisted the urge to strangle and utterly maim the cocky pilot as he mutely nodded his head and turned away.

******************************************

            Allen Ridgeley lay back on his mattress, hair still damp and dripping on the dark blue shirt he had borrowed from Tony's rather extensive wardrobe. _Who'd have thought that a **guy would have so many clothes?**_

            The scalding water of the shower had managed to diffuse most of his anger, the renewed pain of his burned hand allowing him to focus through the embarrassment and humiliation that seemed to be constants in the typical Allen Ridgeley day.

            He closed his eyes and let out a sigh before smiling bitterly. Once again, they hadn't called him by his name. He wasn't sure anymore whether this was just some cruel joke on their part or if he was truly such an unremarkable, forgettable person.

            Today it was coffee. The day before, he'd fought with Hammer, who'd claimed that he never pulled his weight on board the Elsa. Complaining about my complaining…How ironic, Allen thought with a wry smile.

            How could Hammer say that he did nothing? Who did almost all of the cleaning on the ship? Who cooked for everyone when Shion was too exhausted from the team's excursions? Who was constantly running back and forth with little errands? And who always restocked their basic supplies at every stop without _any_ recognition or thanks? He did. Allen Lawrence Ridgeley, that's who.

            He put a hand over his eyes and groaned at the simultaneous waves of nausea and nostalgia that rolled through him. _Are you there now?_ He thought. _Are you there like you promised…watching over me like a guardian angel? I could use a little guidance, and I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of getting used and pushed around…_

            It was just like before…

******************************************

Well, now. There's chapter one. *phew* Hardest part is getting up the nerve to post the beginning…Oh, by the way, a lot of the beginning does not mention Allen's name to start with. . .I just though it'd add to him feeling like just another nameless face walking around.

I expect there will be some flames, but I would prefer if they refrained from mere Allen-bashing and helped me refine my writing instead. =P pretty please!

^_^ Oy, Allen! Get out here and say hello to the nice people.

*Chibi Allen pops out of thin air in a poof of smoke*

Allen: *looks at author* Oh, no…not again!

Me: *sigh* ~_~ just thank the readers for their time.

Allen: Where am I? What happened to the Elsa?! I was gonna make muffins!! *_*

Me: o_O More than I needed to know. I still luv ya though! Anyway, thanks to everyone who's read this! I appreciate it, along with any feedback in your reviews!

As for requests in the story, I just wanna let ya know it's gonna focus mainly on my man Allen here. *points at Allen*

Allen: Hey, are you stalking me?

Um…that's a whole different story. Ahem, well the immediate events are about his background mostly, but any suggestions will go into my plot box for future developments! Thanks for your time!


	2. Catch me if I fall

A/N: Well, I'm back again for seconds! And not of Shion's curry, either! ^_~

Allen, baby, do yo' thang!

            *chibi Allen hops in, duck taped to a chair*

Allen: Uh, um. . .m-midnightoasis does NOT own Xenosaga, the characters, or any of the rest and- - -**_OH MY GOD IF YOU COME NEAR ME AGAIN I'LL SCREAM AND. . .mmmrrph!!_** o_o

Me: Yare, yare, Allen. I don't bite. . ._much_! ^_~

Allen: **_MMRPH!!_**

Me: Don't worry, I'll get you back to lil miss Chief in one piece. Just think of it as me renting you!

            *Hammer pops in waving a stack of 100 dollar bills*

Hammer: It's all about the Benjamins!

Me: Darn tootin'!

******************************************

The Glass is Half Empty: The Life of Allen Ridgeley

                                    Chapter 2: Catch me if I fall

******************************************

**_            Lightning crashes all around me now _**

**_            I hear its sound_**

**_            Broken down wings can carry us _**

**_            To where the people stare_**

**_            Fall asleep against the windowpane_**

**_            Outside the rain covers everyone_**

**_            Now we're never gonna see the sun  
            And this is the sound of the broken down_**

**_            And this is the last train home…….the underground_**

**_            And this is the fall _**

**_            don't catch me if I fall_**

**_            Just catch me when I fall_**

**_            Don't catch me if I fall back to the ground_**

**                        ~American Hi-Fi, "_This Is The Sound_"**

******************************************

            Jonathan Ridgeley was a good man. A rich man, yes. Brilliant? Absolutely. But he retained the essence he'd always had and remained a good man. He was always old-fashioned at heart.

            He grew up in poverty in the slums of Miltia, what had once been called a ghetto in ages past. He spent a great deal of his adulthood there as well, along with his wife Elaine and two children, Jonathan Jr. and Eleanor.

            Ridgeley was a tinkerer, had been ever since he was a small boy. After dropping out of school to support his dying mother (he was an only child, and his father had abandoned them when Jon was still an infant), he painstakingly scraped together enough funds for a correspondence course. During that time, he met Elaine, and they married. She gave birth to a son. . .and a daughter one year later.

            Although he was struggling to feed three mouths all of a sudden, Ridgeley managed to continue pestering the faculty of the local university to get him into night classes, even as he worked days there as a mechanic, fixing elevators, transports and the like. Two years of pestering paid off, and he enrolled in molecular physics and micro-mechanics courses. 

            During his junior year, when he was 31, Ridgeley patented the compression method: decreasing the space between subatomic particles via a combination of sonic and electronic frequencies, allowing for re-expansion after a similar reversal process.

            Two years of long nights in the cramped basement of the university, painstakingly pouring over books, notes, and calculations scribbled on odd bits of paper had finally paid off. The compression, often referred to offhand as the Ridgeley Factor, is commonly used in commercial bio spheres and to transport goods via the newly expanding Unus Mundus Network.

            Needless to say, Ridgeley became very wealthy in a very short amount of time. He remained the same decent, down-to-earth man he had always been, but his wife Elaine became intoxicated by the sudden prosperity, her arrogance and greed infecting her two children like some vile disease as her husband remained powerless to stop it.

            Eleanor grew up a debutante and became the obligatory social butterfly. She frequented parties. . .as well as the bedrooms of their hosts. However, she settled into obscurity as an old maid after a scandalous affair with a member of the interplanetary trading council who just happened to be married. The chains of the past began to tighten, weaving a glimpse of the image we see today. . .

            Jonathan Ridgeley. Jr., much to his father's chagrin, never truly worked a day in his life, even after attending the prestigious Bormeo University upon both his father's merit and money. He married Francesca Moldova, a fellow socialite who also hailed from a wealthy Miltian family. As the couple lived off of their families' fortunes, Francesca bore Jonathan three children: Jonathan Ridgeley the third, Anna Marie Ridgeley, and the youngest, Allen Lawrence Ridgeley.

            Little Jon was the spitting image of his father, from his dark good looks, piercing blue eyes, and charming smile to his ruthless nature, arrogance, and egoism. Anna was a smaller version of her mother, with voluminous chestnut curls and big brown eyes. . .not to mention a vain streak ten miles long!

            Allen was…well, Allen never looked much like anyone except for his paternal grandfather. They shared the same soft brown hair and striking blue eyes, the same warm smile, and the same inquisitive nature. The two of them were very close and often spent long, lazy summer afternoons fishing off of the pier on the edge of the Ridgeley estate.

            However, Allen's immediate family never quite took the same shine to him. Picture, if you will, a six-year-old boy quietly drawing pictures in the sand as his thirteen-year-old sister lies in the sun. A shadow appears over the little boy, and we look to see his fifteen-year-old brother looming over him. A malicious smile spreads across his face as the little boy innocently looks up.

            With one swift kick, the dark-haired young man sends a spray of sand into his sister's face. As she jumps up crying, screaming, and spitting sand from her mouth, chaos ensues.

            "Allen!" His brother cries, hiding a smirk. "What the heck did you do that for?"

            As the sister continues sobbing over her ruined makeup, two furious parents come stalking by. The husband pulls the little boy, who is now wide-eyed in fear, roughly to his feet. His mother grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him so hard he can hear his neck make popping sounds as his head snaps limply back and forth.

            She's screaming, his father's screaming, everyone's screaming, but little Allen can't hear them. His head feels funny and he only hears a sloshing sound like the waves from the nearby water.

            Frustrated with his lack of response, Allen's mother slaps him for the first time, and it won't be the last time, either. Her wall of anger breaks down for a short while as she is momentarily horrified at herself for striking her child. The force of it has sent him down on the sand, where he is no longer sobbing but makes strange whimpers as his eyes still water freely.

            "I'm sorry, Mommy," he whispers. "Please, Mommy, I'm sorry. _Please _don't_…" He closes off and whimpers again._

            Francesca's weak maternal instincts are once again masked by her steely tone and cold attitude toward her youngest. She turns to her husband with an irritated look on her face. "Let's just go home. I doubt the children will have fun now anyway." She puts an arm around her sniffling daughter and walks her toward the house.

            Jonathan feels his temper rise but holds back as he turns to his eldest, his pride and joy, his namesake. "Take him to his room. Lock him in for tonight. I'll decide his punishment tomorrow." With this, he storms after his wife and daughter.

            Little Jon looks at Allen and grins a wicked grin. "C'mon, you little twerp. Get up. Looks like you spoiled another family outing, stupid crybaby." He drags Allen to his feet and pushes him toward the house.

            Allen will have hearing problems for several years until he undergoes minor surgery at his grandfather's bidding. He will never fully regain the ability to hear. Just another link in a chain of events started long before his birth.

******************************************

            Let us move ahead three years. It was a peaceful June day, and we find a grandfather and grandson fishing barefoot together off of an old wooden pier.

            "Allen, did I ever tell you why fishing is all you'll ever really need in life?" The older man's eye's twinkled at the boy.

            He'd heard it almost every summer for three years. Allen smiled and looked up. "Nah, Grampa. I haven't heard that yet. Why don't'cha tell me?" He smiled into the water. This was the only time he was happy…that was **HIS** answer. Not with those people who called themselves his family and then either beat him or ignored him completely. Not with those snobby boys at the prep school who always put him down. It was right here, right _now_, by his granddad's side. This was the only life he needed. Or wanted, for that matter.

            "Every man's gotta cast his line in one place or another, feedin' out more bits of himself as he hopes for that one Big Catch. Out in the world, the sharks can take your bait and take you, too, whether or not you think you're safe in your boat or on the beach. But here," he gestured to the great expanse of tumbling blue-green before them, "here is the only true sanctuary from the great dark depths of the hearts of men. Here you can forget your troubles, cast that line, and go with it regardless of whether or not you ever get that catch. Out there, it's all about the prize you take home at the end of the day, but this place is all about the heart and soul you put into it. No matter if your bucket's empty at the end of the day, you'll always come back a stronger and better man than you were before."

            They were both silent for a long time. Finally, as the sun was setting in a crimson bath on the horizon, Allen looked to his granddad. "Grampa…w-when you die, I'm gonna be really alone."

            Jonathan Ridgeley looked at his beloved grandchild, the only one of his descendants that seemed to be turning into a decent human being. He embraced him and said, "You know what, kiddo? If you want, I'll make a promise to you right now. As long as I have breath left in this old body of mine, you will always have someone to turn to. And after I'm gone, I know you will find someone else to share your wonderful heart with. Until then, I promise that I will watch over you, from wherever it is that I may be. I'll be your guardian angel, and you can count on me when you're lost or scared or just a little lonely. How's that sound to you?" The boy's eyes had misted over with a fine sheen of tears.

            "I love you, Grampa."

************************ 

            The scene shifts to that of a ten-year-old Allen. He had just finished another fencing lesson that was part of a birthday present from his granddad. He was walking down one of the long city streets as the sky turned indigo, and the stars shown forth in the firmament.

            He was hurrying to catch one of the last shuttles home when he found himself surrounded by a group of older boys. One of them gave him a shove. "Hey there, little rich boy. Whatcha doin' in this part of town?"

            Another one pushed him. "Yeah. Shouldn't you be off on a big boat or in a mansion or sumpin'?"

            The tallest one, a boy with streaked green hair and cold-as-steel gray eyes grabbed his collar and made a fist. ""No use beating around the bush, right guys? Let's get down to business." With that, he made to punch Allen in the stomach. . .And he stopped.

            The tall boy's eyes winced shut in pain as one of Allen's feet kicked him square in the chest with a meaty thump. He lost his hold of Allen's shirt, and the younger boy didn't waste the opportunity. He ran.

            Allen sprinted down the street, listening as four pairs of shoes slapped the pavement in a madhouse rhythm behind him. His heart beat in time to his feet, and he felt the adrenaline pumping through his body. He looked desperately around for a means to escape while some primal part of him screamed to turn and face them! He had stopped the lead kid; he could take them all in a fight. His conditioning for the fencing had built up his muscle strength along with his speed, but the rational part of his mind insisted on running.

            And Allen ran right into a dead end.

            There were no doors, no windows…not even a wall he could hope to climb. The boys were just behind. Feeling heady from the rush of excitement and a little brave, Allen stood his ground.

            The first two boys came at him. Allen flung himself to the side and swung his leg out in hopes of tripping them. One fell, but the other was soon upon him. The other three joined in with a flurry of punches, and so many hits were going back and forth that Allen couldn't really tell which were his own. He felt a sharp pain in his lip as a fist pummeled into it, saw a few bright flashes when somebody socked him in the eye, and saw nothing when they slammed his head back against the concrete wall.

            He was falling, falling, and it was dark.

            _Please God. Oh, someone help me…please._

**************************** 

Whew! Chapter 2 is over! Wow, did I actually write a cliffhanger? I thought that was illegal in 30 states. . .

Allen:*still tied up* **MMRRPPH**!!!

Me: Huh? Wait I can't understand you. *takes duck tape off of mouth*

Allen:*gasps* Listen, I never did anything to you. How about you untie me and let me go home?

Me:Why? Who do you think would miss you right now? (sorry, dude. just tryin' to mess with your head…)

Allen: I-I…There's plenty of people! I don't have to defend myself to you!

Me: Would you be more comfortable if I brought your little girlfriend here? ^_~

Allen: What? Wait, no, _don't_…_!!_

            *chibi shion pops in*

Shion: Huh? I don't think this is where I left my glasses. . .

Allen: Chief!!!

Shion:Huh? Oh, sorry Allen. Didn't know you got pulled into the same warped, twisted dimension! ^_^

Me: Wha?! Take that back!! *lunges for Shion, misses, gets a mouthful of shag carpet*

_Ptooey__!_

Shion: *_*…~_~…^_^ Anyways…Wow, Allen, I never knew you were into that kinky bondage stuff! Hmm, would you like me to pull that tape a little. . ._tighter? *moves onto his lap*_

Allen: *nosebleeds, passes out all swirly-eyed and stuff*  @_@  _unnnhh_…__

Me: *shakes finger* Uh-uh, Missy! I'm runnin' a clean show here! Now you can either help or leave!

Shion: *rolls eyes* Whatever…Thanks to all of you reading this, and kindly drop a review into the little box!

See you guys next chapter!!


	3. Listen to me

A/N: Hello, all! ^_^

Well, back to the grindstone! I head out for my first year of college on the 19th, so I'll try my best to finish my fic by then...although I never know how the plot may develop in the future!

Allen! C'mon down!

Allen: *wakes up groggily, rubbing his head* Ugh...why does my head hurt so bad? And why does my mouth feel like someone rinsed it with turpentine? And...

            *He freezes at the sight of Shion passed out on the floor*

Me: Well, that's what you get for hangin' out with "Party Girl" over there. You two must've drunk a whole case of this weird bubbly stuff before movin' on to the engine degreaser.

Allen: Eeep! o_o

Me: That's right! You should avoid that Sprite Remix like the awful fruity plague it is!! It does nasty things to your sense of judgement. *shakes head* Anyways, kick that hangover into high gear and get on with my disclaimer, sugar! ^_~

Allen: Ugh...not again...~_~ Ahem, I repeat as in the previous chapters, midnightoasis does NOT own Xenosaga or any of its constituents. And in this case, she doesn't own Sprite, or *shudder* Sprite Remix.

Wow. That actually sounded kinda professional. You should drink that stuff more often! ^_^

            *Allen gags, clasps a hand over his mouth, and dashes off.*

?_?  Was it something I said?

******************************************

The Glass is Half Empty: The Life of Allen Ridgeley

                                                Chapter 3: Listen to me

****************************************** 

_            **You came down as if from heaven**_

**_            Laid a soft hand on me_**

**_            I kept on walking and thinking_**

**_            Where my life's gone I should weep_**

**_            Well I don't know where I've been going_**

**_            I've never known the reason why_**

**_            So listen to me_**

**_            I'm scared to cry_**

**_            The angel sat down at my table_**

**_            I told her all my doubts and pain_**

**_            She said there always is a time for love_**

**_            That it will come to me again_**

**_            But I don't know where I've been going_**

**_            I've never known the reason why_**

**_            So listen to me_**

**_            I'm scared to cry_**

**                        ~****Texas****, "_Listen to Me_"**

****************************************** 

            He was in the dark, but it wasn't cold anymore. Allen could hear the steady beat of his heart and the whir of the machines around him in the hospital room. He could hear his granddad snoring from the chair in the corner...but he didn't want to open his eyes just yet.

            He didn't want to face the reality that his parents, his own family had...had...

            "Allen. Al-len..."

            _"**ALLEN!!**"_

****************************************** 

            Allen Ridgeley sat up with a jolt. His heart was racing, and his breath was coming in little gasps. Funny how real those memories could be in the dark, in his head.

            He looked to the small hand on his shoulder, and his gaze followed up the connecting arm to the owner, whose brows were slightly furrowed in concern.

            "U-uh, hey, Chief," he mumbled groggily.

            "Allen, are you alright? I was looking for you to help me find my glasses again, and I heard you in here groaning and talking in your sleep." Shion Uzuki drew her hand back and put it in her lap.

            He sighed. "Just some very persistent memories..."

            "Want to talk about it? I can't really do much at the moment anyway. Not without my glasses."

            "Sure, Chief. I could go for a drink now anyway." After a moment of looking at her, something clicked in Allen's brain and he smiled slightly.

            "And Chief? Your glasses are up on your head."

            She reached up with one hand and felt the offending optics. Shion pulled them down and colored slightly out of embarrassment and annoyance as Allen chuckled at her absentmindedness.

            "Yeah, yeah. Let's just go get that drink."

****************************************** 

            Sitting across from each other in one of the dining area's booths, Shion and Allen cupped their steaming mugs of tea. She met him with a frank emerald gaze.

            "So, spill."

            He took a sip and sighed, staring down into the translucent amber liquid in front of him. "I had sort of an off day earlier, so I went back to the quarters to just cool off for a while. I must've dozed off at some point when I started having all of these flashbacks..."

            "Wow, so the elusive Allen Ridgeley has a past!" Her eyes twinkled in a grin. "And here everyone in R&D thought you'd stay a reclusive mystery forever!"

            Allen looked up at her and frowned. "Ha, ha. Very funny, Chief. I thought you had some questions, but I'm glad to see that I could provide you with your daily amusement." He stared at his tea again, but looked up when she reached to put a hand over his.

            "Come on, Allen. I didn't mean anything by it, so don't be so touchy...Those memories must be pretty intense, huh?" She withdrew and leaned back in her seat. "I remember when I met you at that seminar at Bormeo. You called me Shion back then," she added with a smirk. "We hadn't quite gotten to the formalities of working at Vector. Come to think of it, when did you ever stop calling me by my name?"

            _When I found out about you and Kevin._ "I don't really remember. I just got into the habit since you were the chief engineer of the project and all." He reached a hand up and scratched the back of his head. "Huh. I haven't thought about Bormeo in...well, in a long time."

            "You know, Allen, we've never talked much on a friendly basis, so I hope you don't mind me asking...but why did you wait so long before attending Bormeo? I mean, they usually revoke acceptance after a year or two. So why take the risk?"

            "I guess it had to do with my grandfather's death."

            "So you were grieving. But still, why such a long wait?"

            Allen adjusted himself in the cushioned seat. "If you want me to explain that, I should probably just give you the whole story. It goes a lot further back than the University, so maybe we should get some more tea first."

            As he and Shion went into the kitchen, two heads popped up from a nearby booth. Jr. grinned at the girl beside him. "Hey, MOMO. This looks like it could get pretty interesting."

            The little Realian frowned. "But shouldn't we give them some privacy?"

            "Aw, come on! He'll probably never say this stuff again, and I for one wanna know why he's always been such an oddball!" He settled down in the booth again with an even larger grin dimpling his features. "You know you're curious, too!"

            MOMO signed a little resignedly and sat back down. She did want to know about the new friend that never seemed to open up, but she felt a small pang of guilt at the eavesdropping. She knew all too well how it felt to have someone intrude on your memories...

            Her eyes widened and she ducked down further as her sensors indicated Shion and Allen's return. She turned to Jr. and whispered, "They're coming!"

****************************************** 

Well, I'm sorry that it was a much shorter chapter, but I didn't want to interrupt Allen when he gets going on his recollections.

Allen: *blinks* Wow. Somebody respects me for once!! For that, I won't complain about the ending comments for this chapter! ^_^

Me: That's my boy! *sniff*

Allen: Thank you to all of my loyal fans who are reading this!! And thanks even to the people that don't really like me but are still giving me a chance by reading the fic!!

Shion: *groans, rubs head* unnh...bubbles, too much Sprite and fruitiness gone horribly ***BELCH*** horribly wrong...

Allen: Aww, Chief...*helps her off the, erm, stage?*

As always, I'm just puttin' this out for people's enjoyment. Reviews are just the icing on my cake! ^_^

Review a story...save an author today!


	4. Interlude: Allen and the Advice for the ...

A/N: Hey there, everyone. Well…uh, kinda have a bit of writer's block at the moment, so I thought I'd drop in this little one-shot fic as something to hold ya over.

I tend to be a very silly person…A lot of the time when I review stories, I spout out a bunch of nonsense along with my comments. ~_~ Since the main story is chock full o' drama, I need to get my silliness out somewhere to preserve it's integrity (or somethin' like that ^.^).

Anyway, this idea popped into my head when I read Tony's profile in the U.M.N. in the game. It called him a ladies' man, and I couldn't help but picture him going around Tim Meadows style from the Ladies' Man skit on Saturday Night Live. ^_^

Then I thought, _"What if Allen asked him for advice and started acting the same way?"_ and I just about died laughing picturing it in my head. XD

            *POOF!* It's Chibi Allen! ^o^ Disclaimer time!!

Allen: Why do you always have to use ME as your plot guinea pig...*sigh* she doesn't own anything! Not even the computer she's writing this on!

Me: Hey!! ~_~" I'm workin' on it, a'ight? For that, I will abuse my extremely scary author power and *ZAP*

*Allen looks down to see 70's style chain and open-neck silk shirt _a la_ The Ladies' Man ^_~*

Allen: Aaaaaahhh!! x_x

Me: Kawaii...o^_^o Alright, since he's busy, I'LL just do the disclaimer. SNL, Xenosaga, and the world's most cheesy pick up lines... I swear they're not mine, baby, yeah! ~.~0 I don't own Austin Powers either...

*hugs Chibi Allen* Alright, on with the story, beautiful! =P

And **bold** letters or _italics_ are for emphasis and/or thoughts

_mmm_...**sandwich**_..._

**Allen and the Advice for the Dating Impaired**

**_Excuse me, I don't know the reason_**

**_Why you're hatin' me_**

**_You must be doin' somethin' wrong_**

**_'cause she got her eyes on me_**

****

**_And for your information_**

**_I don't even know her name_**

**_You need to stop and check yourself_**

**_Don't hate the playa, hate the game_**

****

**~IMX, "_Hate the Playa"_**

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

            "Are you sure this'll work?" Allen Ridgeley looked incredulously at the datapad in his hand.

            Across their table in the Ironman Bar, Tony nodded. "Hey, c'mon. I use it all the time, and I _definitely_ know what I'm talkin' about." He grinned and winked at Allen. "Just do exactly as it says, and you can get any girl you want."

            Allen stood up. "Thanks, Tony. I guess I'll owe you one, huh?" He turned to leave. "Well, wish me luck!"

            He left before he could see the waitress take Tony's order, fall into his lap, listen to him say "How _you_ doin'?" and then hit him across the face with her tray in a resounding "**SMACK**!"

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

Allen plopped down in one of the chairs outside of the Foundation's café, ordered some coffee, and began to read through the data. It started with ****9 out of 10 men say, "I scored with Dating for Dummies!"**** He skimmed the introduction and went straight to "Chapter One: The First Impression."

_            "When initiating conversation with a member of the fairer sex, the first two minutes are the most vital to your success. Most men find it useful to give a witty line. Thus, we have enclosed an extensive list of these witticisms for your benefit. **(VERY IMPORTANT: It's helpful to lean towards your target and place a hand on her arm.)"**_

            Allen looked at the lengthy list on the screen and let out a long breath. _Well, he thought __I guess if it works on **any** woman, I should practice before I try it on the chief. He looked up at the waitress when she brought his coffee and gave her a nervous smile. __Here goes nothing... Allen put his hand on the waitress's arm and leaned forward._

            "Were you arrested earlier?"

            "Uh, no..."

            "Because it _must_ be illegal to look that good!"

            ***SMACK!***

            "Here's your check, scumbag." She went back inside, grinding her teeth.

            Allen rubbed his cheek where a red handprint stood out in stark contrast to his fair skin. _Why did that happen? Maybe I did it wrong..._ He looked a few tables over and saw a trio of women eating lunch.

_I'll try again. It must've been the wrong line or something..._

            He scanned the datapad for a phrase, then walked over and leaned his arm on their table. One of the women giggled, and the other two raised their eyebrows at him.

            "Excuse me, ladies. I seem to have lost my com number...can I have yours?" He tried his best to grin like Tony showed him.

            "You pervert!" The three screamed in unison, and Allen was suddenly being pelted by three very hard and very pointy handbags.

            As he was backing up with his hands in the air and arms protecting his face, the waitress from earlier came outside, pulling a large, muscular manager behind her. She pointed at Allen.

            "That's him! That's the jerk who harassed me! And look, Harold! He's molesting the customers now!" The burly manager pushed up his sleeves. Allen's eyes went very wide.

            "H-hold on a sec! It's just a big misunderstanding...Harold, w-was it?"

            The manager grabbed him by the collar. "Don't say my name with that filthy mouth of yours, punk!" He yanked Allen to the railing and threw him over it into the street, dusting his hands off and turning to comfort the distraught customers.

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

            Allen pushed himself off of the asphalt with a groan as he heard his back make odd popping noises. _I must've caught them on a bad day. The guide can't be wrong...can it?_ He looked at the phrase **GUARANTEED THE LADIES WILL LOVE YOU- - -Or Your Money Back!**

            _Nah.__ After all, it works for Tony... In the background, we hear a loud screech followed by a very Tony-like "Ow!"_

            Allen stood up with renewed determination. _I just need more practice, is all. Shion, I'll make sure I'm good enough for you!_ He started down the street.

            "Besides, Jr. says there are hundreds of women on the foundation. They can't _all be having a bad day..."_

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

They were all having a bad day.

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

            "If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?"

            ***WHAM!***

            He rubs his cheek. "I guess she would..."

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

            "All those curves and me with no brakes...Ooof!"

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

            "Yo, little miss thang. Wanna help me get jiggy with it?"

            ***BAM!***

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

            "You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away...Ow!"

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

            "Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!"

            ***CRUNCH***

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

            "If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together."

            ***POW!***

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

            "Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!"

            ***SLAM!***

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

            "Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?"

            ***STOMP!***

             "Ah! My foot!!"

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

            "If I borrowed your glasses, could I see you home?"

            ***SLAP!*  
  
~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ **

            "Say, did we go to different schools together?"

            A mob of women ran screaming after him.

            "AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

            After being chased by 346 armed and very pissed off females, Allen barely managed to drag himself back to the Elsa in one piece. He shuffled into the lounge where KOS-MOS was standing. There were a few lines left from the book he hadn't tried yet. He looked at her.

_            Ah, why the hell **not? I'll get a scientific opinion, and it couldn't kill me to try one more time...**_

            "**Ahem**, KOS-MOS?"

            "Yes, Allen." She turned her unblinking eyes to him.

            "Uh, could you...help me with something? Just...give me the statistics of my chances of success if I told Shion this..." He whispered into her audio receptor.

            KOS-MOS's eyes widened as a spark flew from her circuitry, and she backhanded the already battered man across the room.

            "Allen, by my calculations, there is a 99.9862 percent probability that Shion will kill you in your current condition if you repeat that to her." She walked off.

            Allen weakly raised his hand. "Unnh...thanks..."

            He looked at the blood he was getting on the carpet. _Aw, Matthews is gonna go subnuclear when he...sees...this mess..._ he thought as he passed out.

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~ 

            Allen woke up in the infirmary to see Shion checking under one of the many bandages on his arm.

            "Geez, Allen. What did you do to yourself this time? Hammer freaked out when he found you, and the captain nearly fainted when he saw the mess on his nice carpet. You owe MOMO for cleaning that one..." She looked at the cuts and bruises and re-wrapped the bandage.

            "Uhhh...you see, Chief..." He looked at the doorway to see Tony walking by with a thumbs-up sign. _Oh brother..._

            "Oh, nevermind. It doesn't matter. It's just a good thing you're still alive."

            Allen's brain froze for a second. _Did she just say that? Or am I hearing things again…I did hit my head pretty hard after all…_

            Allen still had one line left to use.

            "Chief? Could I ask you something?"

            "Huh? Sure, Allen. What's up?"

            "Would you...that is, uh, could I...maybe cook dinner for you sometime?" He closed his eyes and cringed, waiting for the slap he knew would be coming. He waited quite a bit before opening one eye to look at her.

            "Okay." Shion laughed. "I could use a break from being the resident chef."

            "_Really?!_"

            "Yeah, but you should probably wait until that wrist heals. Something must've hit you pretty hard to fracture it so badly."

            Allen remembered KOS-MOS and shuddered. "You have no idea."

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

            After Shion had left, Allen took out the datapad that had caused him so much pain earlier in the day.

            "Huh. I guess *Dating for Dummies* really DID work for me..."

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

Ok! That's it!! Not the funniest fic ever, but boy was it fun to write!! ^.^

            *Chibi Allen glares from body cast*

Allen: uuunnngh...

That's right, Allen! Thank you to everybody reading this!

Allen: mmurphmm

I hear ya! And a special thanks to:

            *drumroll*

**Goldensunsheba**: Yay!! ^_^ You were my first reviewer! *cheesy grin, extra cheese XD* Don't commit...erm, death!!  Love the reviews!! I get giggles every time.

**Cynical Fluff**: Yeah, Allen's the man!! Woot! ^_^ I picked on him a little myself here, eheheh. ~_~0 It's showin' the love though...Thanks for reading!

**ExMachina**: I just wanna get the storyline straight in my head before posting the new stuff...otherwise plot holes might swallow me, um, whole. o_O And I tend to write out everything by hand before I type...I'm an old fashioned kinda gal! ^_^

**Shiteru**** yumi: Well, I've had a few ideas for HA! fics, but most of them have been done already. o^.~o I wanna be unique! ****_**Allen: "She's unique all right. No one is a schizo quite like her..." Thanks All-...hey, wait a sec!!**_ But I've got some obscure songfics I might do...Maybe I'll do a few to try and get rid of my writier's block. =P**

And anyone who read and didn't review, I love ya anyway! *glomps anonymous readers* I hope this little one-shot keeps you from bein' too mad until I post the REAL shtuff...^_^


	5. And now for a note from our sponsor

Ack! I promised myself that I would never post one of those "sorry-I'm-too-busy-to-write-the-story-even-though-I-managed-to-find-time-to-write-this" chapters…and here I am doing it. You have my deepest and sincerest apologies, but I've been kinda mentally drained from my classes so far…

Chibi Allen: Or from procrastinating and doing everything last minute! ^o^

Hey, now. I got two words for you buddy…duck tape and bubble wrap.

Allen: o_O eeep…

That's better. Now, as I was saying, it'll be a little while before I update again…but it shouldn't be more than a week or so. If it takes me longer, you are free to chuck random small furry mammals at me and give me thirty lashes with a wet noodle. ^.^

Until the next chapter!! (which is still under construction…eheheheh ~_~0)


	6. Flashback

A/N: I am _so_ sorry that I haven't updated for so long. Shame, shame on me. Well, when we last left off, Allen was preparing to delve into his past and…

_            *Chibi Allen pops in*_

Allen: Hey! Just lemme do the disclaimer so we can get on with it!

o_O

whoa…did you just say you wanted to do work!?

            _*faints*_

Allen: Anyway, midnightoasis does not own Xenosaga or its characters no matter how much she wishes that she did. She doesn't _own_ anything…but she's _owes_ a heck of a lot of money to her college…^_^

On with the fic!

******************************************* 

The Glass is Half Empty: The life of Allen Ridgeley

                                                Chapter Five: Flashback

******************************************* 

**_            More than a memory_**

**_            A flame that will not die_**

**_            Let me tell ya'_**

**_            You wanna know it _**

**_            Yeah_**

**_            I'm havin' a flashback_**

**_            Tonight_**

**_            I just need to walk about for a while_**

**_            Cause you're not understanding me_**

**                        ~Tina Arena, _"Flashback"_**

******************************************* 

            His first memory on waking up in the hospital was a warm hand, rough and callused, lying on his forehead. Allen opened his left eye and squinted it shut immediately against the harsh fluorescents of the hospital room. He ventured opening that eye again…the right one seemed to be stuck shut.

            Allen's grandfather leaned back in his chair and let out a sigh of relief. "Thank God you've finally woken up."

            The boy tried to sit, but he was forced back down by the intense pain rippling through his torso. "Unh…Grampa? W-where am I?" One bleary blue eye darted around the little room.

            Jonathan Ridgeley put a hand on his grandson's shoulder. "You're in the hospital, Allen." He made a fist with his other hand and brought it down on his knee…hard. "Damn them! Why did they let you come home by yourself? If they'd just taken a little responsibility as your parents—and two whole days you were lying here, and they couldn't be bothered with…" He stopped short, cutting of his words by clamping his jaws shut as Allen's eyes widened.

            "What did you say?" His grandfather turned away and remained silent. Allen closed his eye again as painful recognition closed around him. "T-They didn't come to see me…to visit me here…" His eye opened, now with a bitter glint hardening its blue depths. "Did they...have they even asked about me?" Allen's heart wrenched when his grandfather's silence answered his question.

            After several long moments, the older man spoke. "You know, Allen…It's not that they don't care…They just don't know how to—"

            _"Don't make excuses for them!" The young boy bolted upright despite the agony of his battered body, tears coursing down his cheeks in twin liquid streaks. "I'm sick of everyone saying it's okay for them to treat me like this! I'm sick of hearing what they mean and what they don't mean! I-I…" His breath hitched in between sobs as his grandfather took him into his arms._

            "Shh, now. They're still your family. And deep down, they do care for you." He let out a weary sigh. "I wasn't going to bring this up until you were well, but I've arranged for you to come and stay with me." The boy looked up with a desperate, pleading hope in his expression. "I have already waited far too long to intervene. I should've taken you out of that home years ago." He rested his hands on the boy's shoulders.

            "Grampa, I'm…I'm gonna go live with you?"

            "Yes. I'm arranging for your things to be sent to my home on Gedalya. You can transfer to the preparatory school in our sector. Some of the finest young men have attended that…why are you still crying, child?"

            Allen sunk his face into his grandfather's shoulder.

            "I'm just so happy…"

******************************************* 

            The joy of beginning a new life with his grandfather was only hampered by the bitter alienation of Allen's immediate family. Although they had readily agreed to the elder Ridgeley taking the boy off of their hands, the boy's parents would make public shows of hostility towards their "ungrateful" son. Thus, Allen was completely turned away from the few friends he had made at his long-time home, forced to completely start anew on Gedalya.

            With the new environment, the boy flourished and grew into a young man. Constantly supported by his grandfather's encouragement, Allen thrived in his studies, earning him an invitation to attend the prestigious Bormeo University upon his commencement from preparatory school.

            It was a week after graduation, and Allen was out celebrating with several of his friends and former classmates. They were in the middle of a game of billiards in a dark, smoky pub. The five of them crowded around the pool table, laughing over their exploits from the past years.

            There was Basil Dhul Fiquar, son of the director of a major water purifier franchise, who once hacked into the school's mainframe to put pictures of the dean wearing nothing but what God gave him on all of the datascreens in the building. There had been a threat of expulsion that was revoked as soon as Basil's father—and his checkbook—intervened.

            There was Yujiro Hatakeda, who had spent the better part of his adolescent years pining after a certain Jo'ng-hu'i Han, literally the girl next door. During the past year he had worked up the nerve to ask her out to dinner only to find that she had recently found her soulmate in her best friend and roommate, Alsacia Quinn. Yuji didn't give up hope for all females though, and proceeded through a dozen new crushes over a matter of a few months…and more than a few rejections.

            There were the twins, Michael and Miles Calhoun. They were the two non-academics of the group. Standing at 5'2" apiece, they weren't very intimidating physically…especially with their pale skin, white-blond hair, and translucent gray eyes. However, they made quite the impression afterwards. They threw all of the best parties and subsequently slacked off in all of their classes, relying on one person after the next to help them just enough to skate by with passing grades. They always had money, and it always burned right through their pockets on gifts for various girls and frequents of the city's night life. The envy of their friend Yuji, both brothers would be hounded by a slew of girls who wanted to be a part of the hype that surrounded these two odd boys. And they went through them like used tissues…because there would always be another one lined up to get pulled out.

            And then there was Allen, who was one of the more reserved members of this circle of friends. He was the scholar of the group, always getting a friendly ribbing about his acceptance to Bormeo. He wasn't quite as overly-sensitive as his friend Yuji, so Allen was better suited to actually maintaining a relationship with a girl…his Kate. Katerina Alexsandrovna Baltzarin. He had met the small-statured young woman in an ancient history class and had been enthralled by her passion for uncovering the past…not to mention her curly chestnut hair and bright green eyes.

            At first, they had become fast friends, doubling up on whatever community project Kate was supporting at the moment. He asked her to be his girlfriend one night over milkshakes and calculus, and she said yes. They were together for three years, up until a week prior to graduation. They would be going to different universities the next year, and had agreed to end as friends. Long distance relationships are one thing, but _cross-galaxy_? Regretfully, Allen had to be realistic and agree with Kate's reasoning.

            The night at the pool parlor was partially to celebrate their new freedom, but it was also the young men's attempt at reintroducing Allen to the world of dating…

******************************************* 

            "C'mon, man. Look at that girl over there! I'm tellin' you, she keeps checking you out." Miles slapped a hand down on Allen's shoulder. He rolled his eyes and pushed it off.

            "Well, I think Yuji should take a go at her instead. He's the one who's always cruising for a date."

            Yuji punched him playfully in the shoulder. "Eh, you know blondes aren't my type. I'd rather go for that brunette by the jukebox." He handed his cue stick to Basil, who lifted an eyebrow in return. "If you'll excuse me gentlemen…" He walked over to the petite woman playing music, as his four friends shook their heads after him.

            Michael removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose in a pained manner. "Doesn't he ever learn?"

            Miles chuckled. "No, and that's why he'll keep on makin' us laugh for a long, _long_ time."

            Allen grinned. "And to think you guys were trying to turn me into another Yuji."

            "You can never have too many people to laugh at, my friend." Allen gave him a shove.

            "Yeah, whatever Miles."

            Basil lined up a shot. "Well, no sense in wasting his turn while he's…occupied." A quick slide of the stick, and the cue ball sent two others into the corner pocket.

            Allen looked over. "And to think Yuji was losing before…" He turned towards the jukebox as Yuji's pleading got louder.

            "But all I'm asking for is _one date!_ You know what? Forget about the date, which I have to say would've been unforgettable and incredibly romantic. Just give me your phone number. Please?"

            The girl gave him a disgusted look. "Ew, get away from me! Desperation isn't the most attractive thing in a man…" She flipped her hair and walked to the exit.

            The twins began to cackle and slapped each other a high five as Yuji walked dejectedly back to the group. "Busted! She totally blew you off, man!"

            "Shove it, Mike."

            "Oh, Yuji! Forgot to tell ya…I saw Jo and Alsacia the other day, and they said to tell you hi from them…Say, do you think you would've been more Jo's type if you dressed up in drag?"

            The now irate young man moved to strangle him. "Miles, I swear to God if you don't stop with this bull—"

            "Eight ball, side pocket." Basil finished the game and moved to put an arm on Yuji's shoulder. "Come now children, don't fight." He smirked.

            "Besides, Yuji, there's a bright side to the situation. I just won you your first game of pool. Let's go to Myra's and grab something to eat. What do you guys think?"

            Yuji rubbed his stomach and winked. "Yeah, I gotta admit I'm pretty starved. It's hungry work being a ladies' man. I could probably even eat a horse right now."

            The twins snickered and said in unison, "That'd be your only chance of getting a date…Pity for the horse."

            Allen grabbed his furious friend after he turned several shades of red and purple and launched himself at the brothers. "Aaaargh!! Lemme go, man! I'm really gonna kill em this time. I'll make you two scream for mercy!"

            "Oh, like your mother did last night?"

**_            "Gyyyyaaaaaa!!!"_**

            Allen somehow managed to keep a grip on the seething Yuji. "Okay, give it a rest for a bit, Miles. Just cut him a little slack. You already wounded his pride…do you _have_ to completely pulverize it?"

            "Huh…I thought I already did…"

******************************************* 

                        The quintet made their way to Myra's, a tiny little restaurant in the industrial sector whose owner and namesake was actually a squat, bald short-order cook named Myron—but they still had the best burgers on this hemisphere of Gedalya. The young men settled around a greasy table to eat their equally greasy food, occasionally chucking various fried things at each other across the table.

            "Gosh…I have to leave for Bormeo in a month. I can't believe it's come so quickly…"

            Mike pounced on the opportunity for a joke. "Funny. That chick Sara said the same thing about our pal Yuji." He laughed and raised his napkin to deflect a flying fry.

            Miles looked at Allen. "See, that's what happens when you try and rub in how much smarter you are than us."

            "Hey, now. I'm really not all that much—"

            Yuji grinned. "And he's oh-so modest, too!" He clasped his hands and comically batted his eyelashes.

            "Uh oh, Allen. I think he's getting a crush on _you now…must be that superior intellect drawing people like flies to a dead cow."_

            "Nice visual, Mike…But like I said, if you guys really wanted to go there…"

            "Shucks, Allen." Miles scratched his head. "But we ain't got the smarts like you do. Ain't got no need for that high-palootin' schoolin'…Besides, most of us are ending up in the family companies anyway."

            Basil stroked his chin. "Well, Allen's still got a good point. Our summer's going to come rapidly to a close. Geez man, that means you're gonna miss our annual fishing trip."

            Allen sighed. "I know, I know. But I can't help it. Bormeo's trimester starts then."

            Yuji clapped him on the back. "Don't worry. You can just make it up to us with your crazy smartness somewhere down the line. Hmm…maybe we could throw a party at your place before your granddad gets back from that business trip…"

            "Yeah right. Look, while I have the chance…I just wanted to tell you guys that I've spent some of my happiest moments with you and—"

            "Uh oh. Looks like brainiac here is getting all mushy." Miles handed him his napkin. "Here ya go. Gotta be prepared for those waterworks."

            Allen chuckled. "Shut up, Miles. I just want to say that you guys have been like brothers to me, and…well, I'm going to miss you."

            Basil looked up. "Aw, hey it's alright. You know we feel the same way. Which is why we'll be hanging out with you every free moment we can all spare."

            "Thanks. That really means a lot to me, and—" A low beeping came from Allen's pocket. "Uh, hold on. Somebody's on the com…Hello…yeah, this is him. Yes, I'm his—okay, what's going on? What do you mean there was a…" His expression froze, blank and staring straight ahead of him. "I…no…" The voice that came out of him was small, and Allen didn't recognize it. He felt oddly detached, like he was listening to himself from across the room. "Well, how is he?!...you can't…alright…I…I'll come back right now." He switched the com off and let his arm fall limply to his side. The com clattered noisily to the floor in the sudden silence at the table.

            The four guys looked at him worriedly. Miles leaned forward. "Hey, man. Are you alright? You look real pale…"

            "I…just…oh my God, this can't be _happening!"_ Allen buried his face in his hands and began to tremble violently.

            Yuji put his arm around his shoulders. "What's going on? Come on, tell us what happened, man."

            When Allen looked up, his eyes were glassy, though no tears had fallen yet.

            "It's my Grampa. There was an accident…his VP called, and he wouldn't tell me how he was…if he was still alive or not…"

            "Don't worry. I'm sure he's just fine. That guy's probably overreacting. Let's get you home, though."

            Mike stayed to pay the bill as they left, and he followed right after them.

            The next time that all five friends would be in the same place would be at Jonathan Ridgeley's wake.

******************************************* 

            The next two weeks went by in a blur for Allen. The day before the wake, his parents and siblings came, wailing and mourning loudly all over the place. He stayed quiet. No tears had come yet, and he doubted they would for a while. He just felt…_numb._

            The wake, the funeral…it seemed like a dream. How could it really be his granddad lying up in that coffin? They were supposed to go fishing next weekend…But there had been an accident.

            Allen remembered sitting in his grandfather's office as the words droned past him.

            _Just sitting out in the café…transport driver…lost control…died immediately…no suffering…sorry…so sorry…for your loss…_

            And still, he was numb.

******************************************* 

Okey dokey! I'll continue this next chapter!! Just wanted to give all y'all something to, erm, whet your appetites.

I hope you enjoyed reading this! And don't forget, nobody else can put the "you" in "review."

**_*POOF!!*_**

Allen: Uh, that doesn't make any sense…

Just think phonetics, my friend…Besides, I'm doing my author's notes at 2 in the morning…I'm probably not even really writing this right now…o_O

There's only one way to find out for sure…Leave me reviews!! ^_^


	7. Let me forget about today until tomorrow

A/N: Hey now, got another chapter for The Glass is Half Empty.

Allen's off trying to score brownie points with lil' miss engineer as the dishwasher again, so this'll be a shorter intro. _sigh_…gotta do the disclaimer myself now…

I don't own Xenosaga, and if anyone doesn't realize that this far into the fic…well, I shake my fist at them! ^_^

And I'd like to thank everyone who's reviewed so far! Even though the pleasure of writing is more than enough for me, they make me feel special. ^o^

And back to where we left off…

******************************************* 

The Glass is Half Empty: the life of Allen Ridgeley

            Chapter 6: Let me forget about today until tomorrow

*******************************************

**_            Though I know that evenin's empire has returned into sand,  
            Vanished from my hand,  
            Left me blindly here to stand_**

**_            But still not sleeping.  
            My weariness amazes me,_**

**_            I'm branded on my feet,  
            I have no one to meet  
            And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming._**

****

**_            Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind,  
            Down the foggy ruins of time_**

**_            Far past the frozen leaves,  
            The haunted, frightened trees,_**

**_            Out to the windy beach,  
            Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.  
            Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky_**

**_            With one hand waving free,  
            Silhouetted by the sea,_**

**_            Circled by the circus sands,  
            With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,  
            Let me forget about today until tomorrow._**

****

**_            Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,  
            I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to…_**

**                                    ~Bob Dylan, _"Tambourine Man"_**

******************************************* 

            He had a week left until he was to leave for Bormeo, and his Grandfather's assistant had already packed bags for him. Allen's face remained as devoid of emotion as it had been for nearly a month as he straightened his tie in the mirror. Perfect Windsor knot…just like he had taught him when he was fourteen and going to his first dance…

            Today he would be going to the reading of the will along with his parents…it would be the only time they would spend willingly with him for their entire stay at his grandfather's manor. His brother Jon and sister Anna had already gone back home, bored of putting up the appearances of civility towards their younger sibling.

            His mother appeared at the door, with a scowl on her face when she looked at her son. "Why must you take forever to get ready?! We're leaving now. If you don't want to walk, you had better not make the driver wait any longer." She paused for a moment, putting one velvet-clad hand to a cheek. "You know your grandfather would be heartbroken by this behavior if he was still alive to see it." A malicious smile spread across thin crimson lips as Allen's face showed exactly the reaction she had been aiming for. She spun on her heel and clicked down the hall in short steps.

            "Surprised you haven't gone dancing on his grave yet, you cynical, old hag…I hope you get exactly what you want out of the reading today, so you leave his memory alone and in peace. How _dare_ you even mention him…" He grabbed his coat and bustled out of the room, stopping in his tracks as he passed the framed picture on the wall outside of his door. He had been several years younger then, when they had spent the summer at his grandfather's beach house. Allen closed his eyes, and he swore he could still feel the sting of the salt spray on his face and the gentle rocking of the waves beneath the boat. He gave a small smile. That was the one day they had gone out and not caught a single fish. So his grandfather took him out to the fisherman's wharf and had one of the men take a picture of them beside one of the larger catches of the day.

            When he opened his eyes again, they were burning, but Allen still couldn't cry. All of his emotions seemed to be sunken behind the empty void that had filled his thoughts. He had blown off any attempts that his friends made at cheering him up, choosing to sequester himself in his room with the readings for the upcoming school year. It had been a week since their last attempt. A tiny fragment of guilt had welled up within Allen, but if he succumbed to that, the floodgates would burst forth. There would be no more hiding from his grief, from the deep-seeded pain in his heart. He couldn't care, he _wouldn't care anymore…It hurt too much. His friends would have to move on, just like he was. Life was a bitch; you dealt with it on its terms, either learning to accept the constant barrage of pain or getting swept away in the torrent of emotion._

            Giving the photo of a final glance, Allen tore his eyes away.

            The picture was still smiling.

******************************************* 

            Matthias Talbot was a round, jovial-looking man, who had a ready smile that belied his shrewdness both in the courtroom and out. Today, he resembled a solemn Santa Claus in three-piece tweed. He faced the task of reading the will of his longtime friend and client, Jonathan Ridgeley. A bitter smile spread across his face as he arranged the papers on his desk. _At least those two bratty kids of his should get a rather…_pleasant_ surprise today… He looked up as Eleanor, the deceased's daughter, entered the room, depositing the lipstick-stained cigarette in the marble ashtray on his desk. He walked forward and the two embraced._

            "How have you been coping, Eleanor?"

            "Oh, Mattie…I just can't believe it. Papa was always so much more vibrant—more _alive—than the rest of us. How can he be gone?" Her eyes were rimmed with running mascara, and for once in her life, she didn't seem to care._

            They separated and she seated herself as the other three family members walked through the door. Jon, Jr. and Francesca took seats immediately in front of the desk, while Allen chose one off to the side in the back.

            The rather portly lawyer turned to the gathered relatives, adjusting his spectacles as he spoke. Three pairs of ears focused in on him, while a fourth tuned out the whole matter.

            "First of all, I want to extend my deepest sympathies and condolences to each of you." His eyes paused on Allen. "I'm sure that this has been a very difficult thing to endure." He looked down at the papers in his hand.

            "Now, down to business, I suppose. As I am certain that all of you gathered here know, the late Jonathan Ridgeley left behind quite a sizeable estate…both from his company and investments. However, I must reveal that Mr. Ridgeley had his will rewritten a little over a year ago. It was his wish that I keep this information in confidence until his passing." Talbot cleared his throat and began to read.

                        **_On this morning, of the thirteenth day of April in the year 4760, I, Jonathan Ridgeley, hereby dictate my last will and testament._**

**_                        Throughout the short span of my life, I have worked hard and acquired much, my wife and children being my greatest treasures._**

**_                        To my wife, Elaine, I pray that I will be with you shortly._**

**_                        To my dear daughter Eleanor: life has brought you so much unhappiness. I hope that you reawaken your heart to the world. Life is far too short to pass up any chance of contentment. I leave you with your current trust, as well as the summer house that you loved so much as a child. May it bring you many fond memories. If you should happen to find that someone with whom you truly want to share your life, I also give you my most sincere blessing._**

**_                        To my son Jonathan and his family, I leave you with nothing but what you already have—the investments made in your name shall remain, as well as your bitterness towards me. I am afraid that I have failed you, my son. It is far too late to amend my wrongs in letting you grow into the world like this, but I hope my actions will at least salvage the hearts and humanity of you children. I have left endowments for their education, which I hope they now decide to pursue. The trust in their names will only be made available to them upon the receipt of their first paycheck from a job acquired due to their own merit in academics._**

**_                        Finally, to my youngest grandchild Allen, I leave you with this: never have I encountered another person so cable of love, so compassionate towards his fellow man. You have been more of a son and a friend to me than a grandson, and I thank you for making a lonely old man's life more worthwhile. You will always have my love, and I will keep my promise to be there…whenever you need me. I leave you the bulk of my estate, my fifty percent share of the company, and the boat we took out on so many happy days. My vice-president is currently retaining control of my company until your 21st birthday. Then, you are free to decide upon taking executive control. Choose your own path, my dear child. Make your own fortune in life by changing the lives of others for the better._**

**_                        I love all of you dearly, and I pray you remember me with warmth in your hearts._**

            "Signed Jonathan Ridgeley, April 13th, TC 4760…"

            Jon Jr. slammed his fist down on the table and jumped up, eyes burning with anger. "What the hell _is_ this?!"

            Talbot stood and raised his arms in a calming gesture. "Please calm down, Mr. Ridgeley." He reached to place an arm on the agitated man's shoulder.

            Jonathan moved back angrily. "How can this be? After putting in all those years dealing with the old man's sappy bullshit, after spending my childhood in that…that _hellhole of an apartment…that bastard takes in my ungrateful brat of a son, spoils him, treats him better than—"_

            There was a sudden silence as the resounding echo of a slap slowly diminished.

            Eleanor stood in front of her brother, eyes full of tears and cold with fury. Her shoulders shook with barely contained rage, and Jonathan slowly turned back towards her, half of his face bright red and beginning to swell.

            Francesca jumped up and gently ran her fingertips over her husband's cheek. She turned to Eleanor, grabbed her roughly by her upper arms, and began to shake her roughly and scream, spittle flying between porcelain teeth. "_You _bitch!_ How __dare you touch him!"_

            Eleanor pulled from her grasp and stepped back. "He has _no right to speak of our father that way…**_NONE!!_" The tears were now coursing freely down her cheeks. She smiled bitterly. "Face it, Jon…it's our own fault that we became so twisted. It's our fault for our greed, for our selfishness…How could you speak ill of our father's kindness, when he never did anything but _love_ us?"**_

            Shouting began vaulting back and forth, volume escalading into a cacophony of distraught words. Allen sat holding his head in his hands, shaking it back and forth, slowly at first and then more violently.  
            _Stop it…just stop…stop it…**stop it…stop it…STOP IT…**_

"**_JUST STOP IT!!!!_"**

            The four adults stopped and stared at the young man, who had leapt to his feet and shouted at the top of his lungs. When he opened his eyes, they were a dangerously calm shade of blue. As he spoke, Allen's words were quiet and level.

            "Stop your fighting. Even if you hate how this whole matter ended up, there's no way to change it. And I won't stand by and let you speak that way about Grampa. Not now. Not ever. Aunt Eleanor…Thank you." He turned toward his parents. "As for you…I have lived with your abuse, with your cruelty, with your harsh words for my _entire life_…I will not take another second. As long as I'm still breathing, you will never see another penny of my grandfather's money, and I never want to see or hear from you again." He took Eleanor's hand, gave it a comforting squeeze, and walked out of the room.

            He paused outside of the door and leaned against the wall. "He's gone…_really gone…and he's never coming back…"_

            His eyes burned once more, but this time he felt wetness slowly running down his face. He touched the trails with his fingertips, looking at them confusedly.

            The tears had finally come.

******************************************* 

            Three months went by. Allen spent most of his time on his grandfather's boat, having deferred his acceptance to Bormeo. The days came and went in the steady flow of the stream of time, but he seemed to be in suspension, a repetition of mundane details week after week.

            Nights were empty, boring in their solitude. Allen began to take to frequenting bars at night, trying to drink away his miseries and succeeding in only dulling his pain for a while. Nights became weeks became months, until reality no longer had any meaning for him.

            In the early hours of one morning, months of exhaustion and abuse took their toll as Allen passed out outside of a bar after being physically removed by the owner. The last thing he remembered was how hard the cement felt against his cheek, and how wind was beginning to blow.

            He awoke two days later in somewhat familiar surroundings. The painting of the desert on the wall, the obsidian desk in the corner, the cheap plastic clock they had won at that fair…

            Basil walked into the room, carrying a glass of water and wearing a wry smile on his face. "Mornin', beautiful."

            Allen opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a dry croak. Had he vomited in his stupor? That would explain the raw soreness in his throat and the horrible taste throughout.

            His friend pulled up a chair beside the friend. He handed Allen the water and two pills. "Here. Take these. They'll help with the pounding I'm sure you have in your temples right now." Allen complied. "You know, I lied before. You actually look like shit."

            Allen smiled weakly and managed a "Thanks."

            Basil stood and walked to the door, pausing to look back with his hand on the frame.

            "I'm glad they found you, man. I'll talk to you more once you're feeling up to moving around the place."

******************************************* 

            The two men sat across from each other at Basil's kitchen table. Allen had just managed to get down a bowl of soup, and was now fiddling with the spoon and empty bowl.

            Basil had his hands clasped on the table in front of him. "I suppose there's really no sense in me beating around the bush is there?"

            Allen sighed and put the spoon down. "You never used to before, so I guess not."

            "Why, Allen? Why did you cut yourself off from everyone? Why didn't you come to any of us if things were this bad off? It's been nearly a year and a half since all of us were together…"

            "It was…it was _my_ problem, _is my problem." He crossed his arms and stared out at the street through the window of Basil's apartment. "I don't need anyone's help, and I sure as hell don't want their pity…"_

            "Cut the bullshit, man!" Basil's dark eyes were alit with a rare ire. "Do you even know that you almost died the other night? You almost _died…" He rose and walked to the window that Allen had been focusing on. "They had to pump the vomit out of your lungs and resuscitate you before they even pumped the rest of that poison out of your body. You're lucky to even be alive."_

            Allen's body went cold at his friend's words. "What are you…I did?"

            "Yeah. They contacted your aunt first thing, but she was out of town. I was the first one of the guys that she was able to get a hold of. The others were here until this morning…not too long before you woke up actually…they'll be back later to see how you're doing."

            They stood in a silence that stretched for several minutes.

            "How could you guys still…you know…after I was such a prick for so long?"

            It was Basil's turn to sigh. He clapped a hand down on Allen's shoulder. "Whether we're really your brothers by blood or not, we're still your family…like it or not—"

            There was a sound of footsteps in the hall. "That's right, brainiac. Besides," Miles's grin came into view, "what would we do without ya there to be our buffer."

            Yuji walked in next. "Yeah. These guys have been practically rippin' me to shreds without you to tone 'em down…"

            Michael was the last to walk in. "And although that's been immense fun, we need you to make us five again…" He smirked and scratched the back of his head. "And because you still owe me fifty bucks from the last time we played poker."

            For the first time in a _very_ long time, Allen smiled and heard an odd sound that shocked him. He was laughing again. And it felt really good.

******************************************* 

Okey dokey, another chapter. Gonna probably wrap up most of the flashback stuff in the next one.

And after that…who knows? ^_^

Thanks for your diligence in reading, and a special thanks to all of the reviewers:

            **­GoldenSunSheba: I'm so evil killin' off Granddaddy Ridgeley like that…shame on me, eheheh…thanks for always leaving such fun reviews! ^o^**

            **Meryl**** Rainia: Yay! New reviewer! *glomps* Hope this shtuff was worth the wait for ya! ^_^**

            **Basketcase****: Hey, no need to apologize! I know all too well the guilt of erm…forgettin' to review and all. Writing's tough work, but reading the 'fics and coming up with responses to 'em ain't much easier! =P Thanks for takin' the time!**

            **Zero Tribal: Aww…I never could stand up against puppy dog eyes…darn, ya got me! Here's an update, then. ^.^ I'm glad you're likin' the story!**

            **ExMachina****: Woot! I got fans! _Literally!_ heh, thanks again for reviewing!!**

And to all of the other readers, I just hope you're able to sit down with this story for a little while, forget where you are or where you're from, and just enjoy it!

            ***_POOF!!_***

Chibi Allen: I'm back—Hey!! You started the fic without me!

uh-oh…o_O um, ya see…I er, uh…_OH MY GOD IT'S A FLYING KUMQUAT!!_

Allen: Huh?! Aaaah!! Exotic fruits!!" *o*

            …

            …wait a sec, there's no kumquat…hey, where did she go?  ?_?

Allen: Anywho, please read and review! Or just read…or skip the story and leave a review that makes no sense…or kinda stare blankly at the page until you start to see these really fuzzy colors and—

            ***_BONK!_***

*standing over unconscious Allen, wielding deadly kumquat…_of doooooom!!*_

Er, it was for his own good…

Allen: @_@ uunnnnhh…


	8. Here and now

A/N: Hello, all! Back again for more? ^_^

Chibi Allen: Aw, man…I never wanna see another fruit in my life…ow, my head… o_o

~_~0 eheheh, sorry _O, muse of mine,_ but you were weirdin' out on me back there…

Well?

Allen: Well _what_?

***_sigh_*** Now _my_ head hurts…The disclaimer, Allen! The disclaimer!

Allen: Oh yeah. ***_scratches back of head_*** I kinda forgot, hehe.  o^_^o

So?

Allen: So what?

Not this again…

Allen: Right! Right, the disclaimer…midnightoasis doesn't own Xenosaga—or me for that matter—even though I'm kinda on loan I guess…^_^

********************************************* 

The Glass is Half Empty: The life of Allen Ridgeley

                                                Chapter Seven: Here and now

********************************************* 

**_            I'm not a savior  
            I'm not a king  
            There's only one voice in your head  
            But I feel your anger  
            I speak your peace  
            Freedom time is here  
            So are you ready for the  
            Here & Now_**

**                        ~Steve Vai, _"Here and Now"_**

********************************************* 

            "I finally took a look at how screwed up my life had become. I can't even imagine how far down I would've sunk if Basil and the rest hadn't stepped in." Allen still cupped the now empty mug between his hands to stop the tremors that shook them.

            Shion stared at him for a long moment. "Wow, Allen. I had no idea…" Muffled sniffles came from behind her in the other booth. Shion turned to find its source. "What was that—MOMO?!"

            The little Realian came barreling out of the seat as Junior reached after her. Tears flying from her golden eyes, she flung herself at Allen in a fierce hug. His eyebrows shot up, and the color drained from his face.

            "I-I'm so sorry…that you had to go through so much…pain. You had to deal with such a…such a _horrible_ hurt…" She sobbed against his shirt, the dampness of her tears seeping through the layers of cloth.

            Allen patted the little girl's back. "Shh, now. C'mon, you don't have to cry for me, MOMO. All that happened a long time ago…Please don't cry anymore."

            After several more minutes of the group soothing the distraught girl, MOMO took a seat beside Shion, and Jr. sat beside Allen, who was now rubbing his eyes in a pained manner. "So the two of you were eavesdropping…you heard the whole thing, didn't you?"

            Jr. raised his hands in defense. "Hey, is it really eavesdropping if we were in here first?" He grinned, and Allen shook his head and sighed.

            Shion's brows knitted together. "Really…so what were the two of you doing in here _alone that caused you to hide when Allen and I came in?"_

            The two young people blushed, and Jr. sputtered, "W-we were just talkin'…no rules against that!"

            Allen arched an eyebrow. "Uh huh…I'll bet. Well, at any rate, you've heard this much already. Shall I continue?"

********************************************* 

            Allen walked out of the dean's office, a worn leather briefcase slung over his shoulder. He'd been given the supervisor position over the new simulation experiment in the tech department and now clutched a list containing the names of the four students that would be working under him.

            He paused and ran a hand through his shaggy hair—classes had made him hard-pressed to find time for a haircut. After a year at Bormeo, he had already landed jobs as teaching assistant and lab assistant to the head of the computer programming and virtual systems department…which was helped in part by his intense, year-long coursework.

            It had only taken a few months of pleading with the offices at Bormeo to renew his application and begin his first fall semester, two years later than he would have if he had attended when he first planned. With all of the support they had given him despite his poor choices, Allen would never be able to fully thank his friends—his _brothers_—for all they had done for him.

            He glanced at his watch. There were ten more minutes until the lecture on Realians in the main hall. Rumor had it that Vector would be sending a few of its employees to discuss possible arcs of new and ongoing projects…as well as recruiting opportunities for the corporation's research sector. It looked like it would be a very promising day.

********************************************* 

            The lecture hadn't been quite as engaging as Allen had hoped for. The program director from Vector began by talking about a prototype that was made before Allen was even born and then spent the rest of the two hours pushing his "Realian Rights" campaign. At the end, Allen couldn't wait to get out of there.

            He was on his way to lunch when he collided with somebody. Allen moved to catch the person's arm to keep them from falling backwards but only succeeded in losing his own balance. They were both sent flying in opposite directions to the sidewalk. 

            His briefcase's latch snapped, and a stack of papers flew out to scatter on the slight breeze like so many fluttering leaves.

            "Oh, no…" Allen scrambled to grab all of his papers before they could blow away. He managed to collect about half of them before turning to face a smiling young woman, who held the remaining sheets in her hand.

            She adjusted the glasses on the bridge of her nose. "I'm terribly sorry about running into you like that. I wasn't paying attention." She gestured towards the immaculate blue sky above. "I just find it hard to keep my gaze down on the ground on a day when it's called to be up in the clouds. Here, I think these are yours."

            "Thanks. And don't worry; I'm just as much to blame for not watching where I was going." She giggled when he took the papers. "What? What's so funny?"

            She gestured towards the papers that he was stuffing back into his scuffed briefcase. "I didn't think that anyone our age actually used _paper anymore…Haven't you ever heard of using datapads?"_

            Allen feigned injury. "Well, I happen to think that there's something to be said for being old-fashioned." He let half of his mouth curve into a warm smile. "Such as inquiring a lady's name after she barrels into you like an A.G.W.S. on the fritz…" He was rewarded with another laugh, and he saw her green eyes twinkle behind her glasses.

            She held out a hand. "Alright, but I think I could do a lot more damage to you than an A.G.W.S. in the long run. I'm Shion, Shion Uzuki. And you would be—"

            He took it and gave it a slight shake with his own. "Allen Ridgeley. I take it from your uniform that you're here with Vector?"

            She dusted off her dress and the sleeves of the trademark yellow and black. "That's right. And from your shaggy hair and stressed-out look…I'd say you're studying here as an assistant to one of the professors…how was that?"

            His mouth hung open. "H-how did you…"

            She laughed again. "Don't sound so shocked. I recognized your name because I came to speak Dr. Jackson about an upcoming project. I'm acting as sort of an intermediary for recruitment. We thought it would be more meaningful than sending someone from Personnel. Actually, I suppose you should accompany me to his office. You're the subject of our discussion after all."

            Allen continued to stare, trying to get his mouth and brain in sync. "You...I mean, I'm the…"

            Shion began to walk off. "How about you just show me where his office is for now?"

********************************************* 

            "That's right. I was there to get new members for the R&D Division, for my first major project…Wow. I wonder how Dr. Jackson is doing now…his granddaughter's going to Bormeo now, isn't she?"

            Allen put his arm on the table and rested his chin thoughtfully on his hand. "That's right. She would've started just a few months ago…"  
            MOMO looked up at Shion. "So that's when the two of you first met?"

            "Yep. I was even the one that conducted Allen's interview to get into Vector." She smiled. "He didn't know that I was going to be his boss at the time, so he called me Shion for those first few weeks. Then I guess he just got into the habit of the whole _chief_ thing."

            Jr. nudged Allen and winked. "So, how long did it take after you two met for ya to start puttin' the moves on—mmph!!"

            Allen lunged to cover Jr.'s mouth with his hand. "Uh, heh, look at the time…All that talking wore me out."

            The crimson-haired boy twisted away from his grasp. "Hey, man. Don't _ever touch me like that." He adjusted the lapels of his trenchcoat. "It's not cool. Hey…are you blushing?"_

            The frazzled engineer quickly stood up. "I don't know what you're talking about…_Anyway," he feigned a yawn, "I'm beat. I guess I'll go hit the hay. 'Night!" Allen dashed out of the café._

            Shion tilted her head. "Huh…I wonder what _that_ was all about…"

            MOMO giggled when she saw Jr. roll his eyes and shake his head.

            He mumbled under his breath, "Sometimes I can't believe how _dense some people can be…"_

********************************************* 

            Allen rested his head against the wall of his bunk in exasperation for the second time that day. _Geez. What the heck is wrong with me?_ He closed his eyes, frowning a crease into the middle of his forehead. _I always get so damn awkward around her…And Jr. isn't really helping that much._ He opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling above him in a distracted daze.

            _I wasn't like this when I asked her out to dinner that first time…back at Bormeo…_

********************************************* 

            Allen took the offered hand in front of him and gave it a warm squeeze. "You mean I actually got the research position?!"

            The young woman giggled. "Yes, yes. I already told you that! Congratulations, and welcome to the team." She paused for a second, hand still captured in Allen's grasp. "Uh, I know you're a little shocked and all, but could I get that hand back any time soon? I might need it later."

            "Oh! geez, I'm sorry…I'm just…so excited to end up at _Vector_ of all places…"

            She smiled and withdrew her hand. "Don't worry." She held it up and turned her wrist as if inspecting it. "See? No harm done. Well, I'm looking forward to working with you, Allen. I guess I'll be off…"

            "Wait a sec!"

            She stopped and smirked at him. "Yes?"

            "I, um…are you hungry? I mean…" He took a deep breath. "Would like to have dinner with me?"

            Her eyes widened a bit behind her glasses. "I…sure. I have a few more people to meet, so how about we come back here in an hour." The eyes were a twinkling green now. "You can show me around the town, too."

            Allen couldn't keep the grin off of his face. "Great! _Ahem…That is, I'll see you then, Shion…"_

            "Alright. See you later, Allen."

********************************************* 

Okey dokey…I'm done for this chapter. Heh, I'll be takin' a few liberties with Allen and Shion's pre-Vector (and pre-Kevin ^.~) relationship…Nothing super romantic. Mostly friendship, actually…But hey, creative license is what fanfiction is all about! ^_^

            Allen: Finally! It's about time I get some action!!  o^.^o

            Shame on you! I'll have none of that in _my_ fic, thank you very much! Remember the rating!!

            Allen: Aw, shucks…~_~

            Aww…don't worry. It can always change later. ^_~

            Allen: Yay!! *glomps*

*_* …_sigh_…my muse just hugged me…^_^

Thanks to all who reviewed!!

**            Zero Tribal:** Glad you liked it! Well, at least Allen helped bring a bright spot to his life. ^_^

            **GoldenSunSheba: Oh my…I think chapter 4 is a good preview of what could happen between Allen and the opposite sex on a dark night, in some nasty bar…o_O**

            **Elise E. Maxwell: Thanks for the many compliments and mutual Allen-shippage! ^_^ Hope ya like this chapter, too!**

Update will be coming as soon as I can manage…Things are a little bit busy for me here on campus, but I'll do my best! ^o^

As always, read, review, and enjoy!


	9. I'll be your crying shoulder

A/N: Another chapter…heh, can't believe I had the attention span to make it this far. =P

Allen: Could it possibly be all of the fun you have messing with me in between?

            Allen!! *_captures him in death-grip hug*_

Allen: Ack…need…air…

            Oops! Heh, sorry 'bout that…Got a little carried away. ^_^

Allen: Sure ya did…~_~0

Okay, any burning desire y'all might have for a disclaimer…There ain't gonna be one this chapter! Go back a few to get your fix, if needs be.

Allen: *_blink_* Does this mean I'm…_fired_?! o_O

No worries! You still got "muse status," which counts for a bunch more in my book!

Okey doke…I'll do the lil "Reviewers Review" _before the story this time._

            **Pookakitten: eheheh…you caught me. ~_~0 I tend to get lazy with descriptions and gloss over finer details, so while I may develop the storyline itself, I neglect the setting and whatnot. I also get scared of doing one of those "5 pages for an article of clothing" pieces. Thanks for mentioning it, though…I need to be held accountable every now and then. I hope this one's a lil bit better. Further constructive criticism is much appreciated! ^_^**

            **basketcase****: Thanks! I really enjoyed writing that bit of the story, too. In yo' face, bad parenting! ^o^**

            **GoldenSunSheba: ^_^ Love the review…except for da scary laughing part. o_O Well, I'll keep on going with the story, or…yeah. =P**

            **ExMachina: lol, yeah, I guess I just can't help but refer to the guy that way…Just makes me think of Hurricane Kevin a few weeks back near the West Coast…^.^ Shame on me…**

Well, on with the 'fic!

********************************************* 

The Glass is Half Empty: the life of Allen Ridgeley

                        Chapter Seven: I'll be your crying shoulder

********************************************* 

**_            The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful  
            Stop me and steal my breath  
            Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky  
            Never revealing their depth  
  
_**

**_            Tell me that we belong together  
            Dress it up with the trappings of love  
            I'll be captivated  
            I'll hang from your lips  
            Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above_**

****

**_            I dropped out_**

**_            I burned up_**

**_            I found my way back from the dead_**

**_            I tuned in_**

**_            And turned on_**

**_            Remembering the things that you said_**

****

**_            I'll be your crying shoulder  
            I'll be love suicide  
            I'll be better when I'm older  
            I'll be the greatest fan of your life_**

****

**                                    ~the GooGoo Dolls, _"I'll Be"_**

********************************************* 

            Allen stood in front of the small mirror on the door of his bathroom cabinet, marked with a few errant smudges of old soap and shaving cream. He pulled the knot in his cobalt tie taut, giving himself a critical once-over again before slapping his forehead in disgust. "What am I _thinking_?! I have to meet in her fifteen minutes…what kind of a nut would change after only an hour?" He dashed back into his bedroom and looked at the button-down shirt and slacks he'd donned. "Darn. Now I don't have time to change back into everything…I guess I'll just grab the shirt I had on before." He began to yank the buttons undone and pulled the half-opened shirt over his head, where it chose to conveniently get itself stuck. "Oh no. Not _now…"_

********************************************* 

            Twenty-five minutes and one ripped dress shirt later, Allen made it to the meeting place, disheveled and out of breath. He had managed to fight his way out of the first shirt and pull on his old one as he was running from his apartment.

            Allen bent over and put his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath by focusing on the pattern of bricks in the cobbled sidewalk. He turned to the sound of footsteps behind him.

            "You're exactly ten minutes and," she glanced at her watch, "forty-seven seconds late. You must've been in an awful hurry."

            "What…what makes you…say that?" He stopped to gasp in air in short, shaky inhalations.

            Shion smiled and fingered the sleeve of his shirt. "Well, for one thing, you can't put a sentence together without gasping for air. And secondly…" she looked up at him with a grin flitting at the corners of her mouth. "Your shirt is on inside out. Either you were in a hurry to get here, or you just came from another…_engagement_." The smirk shone in full force.

            Allen tried to recover and leaned forward to whisper in her ear, "Why? Does it make you jealous?" _I can't believe I just said that…_He gave a mental groan at his own impulsiveness.

            Her eyes widened as she moved her face to meet his gaze, eyes searching his curiously. "You're definitely something else, Allen Ridgeley. I'm not sure yet whether I like it or not, but you're definitely…something else."

            Each stood and looked at the other for several long moments, the earlier afternoon sunlight donning the fiery raiment of sunset and bathing the two in its crimson glow.

            Allen stepped back and coughed into his hand, before reaching back and scratching the back of his head with the other. "Heh, how about we head off to go eat? I'll bet all of those interviews built up quite the appetite. So…" He held out one arm, bent at the elbow and waiting for an acceptance. "Shall we?"

            Shion took the proffered arm, wrapping it with her own. "Let's go."

********************************************* 

            "And then Yuji says, 'How could I have known she was Basil's grandmother?!'"

            Shion burst out in a raucous fit of laughter, Allen joining in not long afterwards. She kept chuckling as she wiped her eyes with her napkin. "I haven't laughed like that in _such_ a long time! Wow…It must've been great to be around all of those guys. They sound like a real bunch of characters."

            Allen took a sip from the tea in front of him and leaned back in his seat, enjoying the mellow sounds of strings coming from somewhere in the homely little restaurant. "Come on…I'm sure you've known plenty of people like that."

            She fiddled with her silverware, turning the spoon between her hands. "You'd be surprised." Shion's voice took on bitter edge, as she gave a wry smile. Her eyes shimmered as the room suddenly became too bright. "Try spending your entire childhood buried in textbooks, pushing for the chance that one day, just maybe, you could get into a good school and find a halfway decent job. I had my family, and God only knows my brother Jin was plenty wild enough to keep a little girl company, but sometimes I just wished…" She sighed. "Have you ever thought about the past and wanted so desperately to change it—needed it so badly? Even though your mind knows it could never happen, your heart keeps on pressing in its foolish little quest." She gave an uneasy smile. "I'm rambling now, aren't I?"

            Allen reached over and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "I understand more of that than you'd know." He sniffed the air and gave a sideways glance to his right before breaking into a lopsided grin. "But what do you say we eat now? The waiter looks like he's tired of holding all those plates."

********************************************* 

            Over lasagna and a mild red wine, they talked about many things, basked in the warm glow of the candle. Wanting to cheer up the young woman's mood, Allen diverted the conversation to lighter topics. The banter was quick and easy, and before he knew it, they were laughing over his professor's antics as they finished a dish of spumoni.

            Shion was back to laughing again. "So he really forgot where his own office was?"

            "Yep. He ended up lost and wandering the hall, going door to door and asking where he was. He ended up knocking on one door for twenty minutes, waiting for someone to answer and help him…It ended up being _his office! We talked about it in the department for weeks."_

            "It actually sounds like something _I_ would've done…Once we start working together, you'll see just how forgetful I can be." She looked up to see the waiter placing the check on the table and clearing away the melted remains of the spumoni, which had swirled into a mess of pink and green in the bottom of the dish. She reached beneath the table for her purse, but Allen held up his hand to stop her.

            "Hey, now. You wouldn't think of depriving me of the pleasure of treating you to dinner, would you?" That earned him a soft chuckle.

            "You really are old-fashioned, aren't you?"

            "When it comes to women, you better believe it. Which reminds me…Would you like to go for a late walk in the city park while we digest this lovely dinner?"

            They pushed back from the table and stood, and Allen helped her on with her coat.

            "You're quite the charmer, aren't you?"

            "I try."

********************************************* 

            Like most of the places surrounding Bormeo's campus, the city park had a vintage, antiquated feel to it. Globular lanterns sat embedded in cast iron lampposts, spaced widely along a well-trodden dirt path that led to a grassy pavilion. Silvery moonbeams painted phantom images in the inky shadows between the trees and the golden glow of the lights. There was the soft clopping of horses in the background, accompanied by the gentle burbling of a fountain beneath the other sounds of the night.

            Allen and Shion walked through the gate, an intricately carved stone arch bearing the likeness of several animals. A slight breeze blew past the pair, causing Shion to pull the thin jacket tighter around her small frame. She shivered slightly, and Allen looked over at her.

            "Are you cold?"

            She shook her head and smiled. "I'm fine, thanks. Just a little chilly is all…Is that a _fountain up there?"_

            They neared the pavilion, and in the center of the grassy expanse, there stood a large concrete fountain, sending numerous shimmering spouts of water cascading over its edifice. There was a veritable menagerie of mythical beasts etched into its base—unicorns galloping past frisky satyrs, griffons in fierce combat with bloodthirsty wolves, great looping serpents entwining into themselves all around the structure. In the midst of these, water nymphs frolicked and bowed in their eternal poses of gaiety, their basins and vessels serving as the source of the fountain's spring.

            Shion simply stared at the work in awe, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.

            Allen stepped up beside her. "Pretty impressive, huh?"

            "It's so _beautiful…" She ran up to it, looking as giddy as a little girl. She gestured to each of the scenes. "Just look at all of these! It must've taken the sculptor _years_ to make it…And who'd make it nowadays? There hasn't been any architecture like this for centuries…" She ran one hand delicately, lovingly over the textured surface. "Whoever it was must have put a great deal of themselves into it's creation."_

            "Would you be surprised if I told you that my great-grandfather was that person?"

            She spun around. "No way…that's incredible!" He started to chuckle. "What? What's so funny?"

            "It's also not true." He dodged her attempt at a playful shove, laughing warmly. "Actually, the sculptor was the wife of the founder of the university here in Bormeo. She had an absolutely _enormous_ collection of ancient manuscripts, and many of them had illustrations much like these. After their oldest child had left home to start his own life, she devoted hers to creating a lasting tribute to the ones she loved. If you look at the plaque over here…" He took Shion's arm and led her to the opposite side of the fountain, where a brass plaque lay between the few cobblestones surrounding the fountain. "It says: _To Robert, Helen, and Stephen…May these magical beasts guard over your souls in sleep and during waking hours, in this life and the next. Let them give you solace against that long repose which awaits us all…'for in that sleep, what dreams may come'_._—Your loving wife and mother, Cassandra Maddock. _"

            "How can you remember all of that?"

            "Well, they make all of the students at Bormeo go through an induction ceremony here at this fountain…so we all hear the story. It's rather striking, so it stuck in my head. So," he held up two coins, "are you ready for the next part of our evening?"

            "Huh? What are those for?"

            Allen feigned a horrified look. "I can't believe you've never made a wish in a fountain before. Oh, _the humanity!_ The _scandal!_ It's unheard of! It's—" He was stopped by a small hand clamping firmly over his mouth.

            "Alright, I get your point. Geez, don't be so melodramatic." She removed her hand and took one of the coins. "Since you're apparently the expert on this, how about you show me what to do with this…"

            He grinned. "Fine. First, stand with your back to the fountain…Like so. Then, take the coin in your hand…" He winked at her. "Like so."

            "_Allen…" She poised her hand near the water, threatening to splash…he took the hint._

            "Okay, okay. Close your eyes and through it over your shoulder. Here, I'll let you go first."

            Her eyebrows rose over her closed lids. "What a gentleman…what's next?"

            "Uh…you make your wish."

            "_Wish you weren't such a smartass…"_

            "Huh? You say something?"

            "Nope!" She paused and then opened her eyes. "There. Happy?"

            "Extremely. My turn!" He paused, holding the coin close to his closed eyes. He flicked his fingers and sent the coin flipping end over end behind him into the fountain. "_Wish you'd loosen up a little…"_

            "Did you say something?"

            "Uh, no…Alright, that's the one to go with…" He opened his eyes.

            "So now what?"

            He winked at her. "You'll just have to wait and see."

            "Sure…what did you wish for?"

            "Can't tell you or it won't come true…"  
            "Oh."

            They began to walk along the park's path once more. "So…wanna tell me what your wish was?"

            Shion stopped and put her hands on her hips. "I thought you said if I did that, my wish wouldn't come true!"

            "Well, you said you have such a bad memory…just checkin' to see if you remembered."

            "Aah!" She threw her hands up in frustration. "I don't believe you…Let's just keep walking, okay?"

            Allen moved beside her, and they were soon strolling side by side again. He gave Shion a glance out of the corner of his eye, looking back ahead of them soon afterwards. Her arms were crossed, but there was a smile on her lips and in her eyes.

********************************************* 

            "Allen, make sure Togashi is entering the right sequences at terminal four." Shion bustled around, going from group to group, trying to catch any errors that might botch the day's attempt at emotional integration for the project's database.

            "Sure thing…No, _don't enter in subset 13!!_ Just…move over and let me enter in the coding sequence…" He hopped into the vacated seat and typed furiously. "We're trying to give it _normal emotions, Togashi…do you want it to have some sort of complex?"_

            Someone cleared his throat behind him. "Actually, I would prefer you referred _it as a __her…Consciously, she'll be relatively human, after all." A man with deep indigo hair stood behind Allen._

            Shion hurried over. "Kevin, how nice to see you! You're here early…"

            He smiled at her. "Well, I only had a few things to go over with the boss, so I wanted to wrap it up and get back to what was important as quickly as possible."

            Allen bit sharply into his tongue to focus on not rolling his eyes. The coppery taste of blood flooded his mouth as he watched the exchange of words. _Sure works fast…we've all only met each other for this project a month ago…He turned back to the monitor and finished his entry._

            _At least I know that he'll never know or understand her as well as I do…_

********************************************* 

            "He asked me to dinner tonight!" Shion grasped Allen's hands and twirled him in a circle with herself. Work hours had just ended, and they stood outside in the parking lot on the crisp spring evening.

            "What? But I thought we were all going out to Gus's for some poker—"

            "C'mon, you can't possibly expect me to pass this up!" Her smile froze when she saw his hurt expression. "Allen, don't worry. We can hang out some other time. You're not going to let a little thing like this get in the way of our friendship, are you?"

            He plastered a small smile on his face. _But it looks like you just might do that yourself…_"Of course not. You know I'd never let anything like that happen. Well, I hope you have fun tonight." He started to walk away.

            "Allen, wait!" He paused but didn't turn to look at her. "Don't be so glum. I want you to lighten up and go have fun with the guys tonight. That's an _order."_

            He snapped off a quick salute.

            "Sure thing…_Chief…_"

********************************************* 

            The weather had been a little bit off that day. There was something about the humidity, the way the clouds hung so low in the sky, the way the air _clung to every pore…that just wasn't right. The animals in the forest surrounding the research complex had been acting strange as well. They would show aggression and chase the workers one second, before running in confused, ambling patterns and collapsing in the brush. Allen had a bad feeling about working on the project today…_refer to KOS-MOS as **her**_…although he'd been rather glum for quite a few months. After the initial date between Kevin and the Chief (_don't I even **think of her as Shion anymore?**_), they had hit it off and began seeing each other on a more serious basis. There were even a few rumors that if Kevin ever actually took a little bit of his focus from "his baby," he might even decide to settle down and propose to the moonstruck young woman._

            Needless to say, their romance had stretched and plucked away at the seams of Allen and Shion's closely-knitted friendship. She became infatuated with Kevin, slowly devoting more and more of her time, energies, and passion to him and his dream of finishing KOS-MOS. Everyone in the R&D Division seemed fine with the turn of events…except for Allen. Other than his grandfather, he had never connected with another human being so strongly and deeply. Although he had never ventured to talk about his past with her for fear of burdening someone else with his own pain, there wasn't another soul that knew him so completely and utterly—and the same went for her. Still, what he had originally hoped would be a short fling with Kevin had blossomed into much more. Being honest with himself, Allen had to admit that at the very least, Shion loved the man. She adored him…nearly kissed the ground he walked on. She was constantly striving to reach his level of understanding and achievement and to live life with the same vibrancy and passion.

            Allen paused outside of the building, leaning against its concrete wall and closing his eyes with his internal speculation. With the acceptance of Shion's love toward Kevin, Allen had come to a very harsh and very bitter realization: he was in love with Shion as well. For almost a year, he had allowed his heart to be slowly maimed by each innocent encounter with the "happy couple" with his only consoling thought being her happiness…and he constantly blamed himself for not recognizing his own feelings sooner, when he still had the chance to see if there would ever be something more between the two of them.

            "Why…_Why do I always wait until the last minute?!__ Why do I still hide from her…and from myself? What the hell is wrong with me?!"_ He punctuated his last statement by slamming his head backwards, hard into the solid face of the wall. "Damnit…" Allen leaned forward and clutched the back of his head. He could already feel it beginning to throb, and a small wet clump of hair indicated that he had, indeed, managed to break the skin of his head open during his little tantrum. _That was sure gonna hurt like a bitch in the morning…_A familiar voice broke him out of his reverie.

            "Hey, Allen. Are you alright?" Shion stood in front of him, one delicate arch of an eyebrow quirked in concern. "Did you hurt yourself?"

            He stood up, ready to answer, but reconsidered what he was going to say when he saw her companion. "Don't worry, Chief. I'll be fine. Well, I guess I'd better get to work. If there's gonna be any power surges due to this, I've got a lot to do." He brushed past the two. "Good morning, Kevin."

********************************************* 

            It started with a power outage after an especially fierce barrage of lightning bolts outside of the building. Kevin was in the midst of telling one of the lower-level researchers to shut down the main breakers and switch to the generator, when something else quickly caught his attention. He stopped what he was doing immediately, and Shion turned to see what he was looking at.

            She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. "Dear, God…It's shorted the containment system for KOS-MOS! _How can this be?!_ We set that to a different power grid! Kevin! _Get everyone out of here! NOW!!"_

            There would be no evacuation until after most of them were lying either wounded…or dead.

********************************************* 

            A flash of lightning. Four of the young men and women _entrusted to her for this project are on the floor, and Allen was the next one to be left in its wake._

            Already dizzy from his prior blow to the head, Allen couldn't muster the coordination to overcome the intense fear that gripped his legs and seemingly encased them in stone. As "Kevin's baby" approached, his sense of dread diminished, and an eerie calm stole over him. Its (_her) shadow fell upon him, and Allen did nothing more than look death in the eye with a quiet submission._

            The next thing he remembered would be the cool feel of the sheets in his hospital room.

********************************************* 

            Allen moved to lie on his side on his bunk, propping up an elbow and resting his head in his hand. _What's going on today? Why do I keep remembering all of this…Geez, the joy of repression comin' back to bite me in the ass…_He heard a soft knocking on the doorframe craned his head to see Shion standing there. "Hey." He rubbed at his eyes, trying to mask their redness with counterfeit fatigue.

            She leaned against the jamb and peered up at him. "Hi…do you think you might feel up to talking a little more?"

            He sat up, dangling his legs off the edge of the bunk and resting his clasped hands upon them. "I-I guess. Uh, got anything in particular on your mind?"

            Shion climbed onto the empty bunk across from him and sat in a similar position, though her legs reached a noticeably shorter distance. "Actually, I was thinking about back when we first met…we were so close, you know?" Her eyes seemed to lose a little bit of their spark as she focused her vision on a point on the wall. "And I also started thinking about that…that day back at the complex." A single tear formed at the corner of an eye, appearing magnified through her glasses. It grew pregnant with the moment, to fall down on her cheek in a fat, wet drop. Her next words were barely above a whisper, and she stared at the hands that were gripped together bloodlessly in front of her. "_Thank you…"_

            Allen's eyes widened. "Chief, I—"

            She held up one hand curtly to cut him off. "No, let me say this. I never thanked you, for being there for me through such a rough time…And I never apologized for not being the friend I should have been for so many years now. I just…I hope you'll forgive me, that you're not disappointed in me…I don't know if I could deal with you not being my support anymore." Her last reserves of resistance against the tears caved in, and Shion's face wrenched with sobs as she buried it in her hands.

            Allen sighed and climbed down from his bunk, walking over to Shion. He was eye level with her knees at the moment, but that would have to do. "Chief…_Shion…C'mon, don't cry…Haven't I always told you that you'd never have to doubt my friendship?" She peered at him through her splayed fingers. "You never have to wonder whether or not I'll be there for you…It's a given." He steeled himself for the next words, knowing that they'd wound his already battered heart but were necessary to help her towards her happier self. "I will always be your friend."_

            She slid down from the bunk and embraced him, burying her tearstained face in his shirt. She managed a shaky "thank you" in between sobs as Allen just stood there and held her…being what she'd always needed him to be.

            Her friend.

********************************************* 

Alrighty…I hate to say it, but I've encountered a tad bit o' the writer's block…I'm at a crossroads of where I'd like to take this 'fic…or if I should even end the story here. It is, after all, moving onwards, toward past and present alike…and my main intentions had been primarily to explore Allen's past, which I believe has been accomplished...to some meager extent. ^_^

But, who knows! ^_^ I won't be working on this quite so often with all of my exams, projects, etc. coming up in rapid succession…but if I am struck with a new angle or arc, I'll definitely crack my knuckles and set to work!

I hope that the reading was enjoyable so far…Thanks for joining me on this little side-trip into the past…hope to see you again!

Best wishes and warmest regards,

~midnightoasis


	10. Graciously take my leave of such wonderf...

A/N: Wow…I was plannin' a lil vacation from the whole writin' bit…

            _****POOF!!** Surprise, surprise...it's chibi Allen!**_

Allen: Vacation, huh? Can't you just admit that you're a little on the slow side in your classes?

Hey! I still got that kumquat 'round here somewhere…

Allen: Eeep! o_O Hey, I'm just saying that honesty _is the best policy…_

Yeah, yeah…dang. There went that train of thought. =P

Allen: I know! I'll cheer ya up with a nice disclaimer! How does that sound? ^_^

But Allen, this isn't really…

Allen: _*ahem*_ midnightoasis doesn't own Xenosaga or anything therein…but she can borrow me any time she wants! ^_~…Better?

*glomps Allen* Yay! My muse still wants to inspire me with stirring accounts of an inner child!!…or at least, my juvenile lil ramblings in the Author's Notes! =D

Anyway, I was plannin' on ending the fic here…partially due to a bout of writer's block. Couldn't get anything but calculus and chem. in or out of this brain o' mine…~_~

I appreciate how understanding all you are being. Well, I'll say out and out now that my aim for this is not a full-blown Shion/Allen romance…as of right now. I'm thinking more of a continuation of Allen's present life—and onwards from there.

So keep your eyes open over the next couple of weeks…Any new chapters will be a part of a separate story…I think Allen's ready for a little bit more of an optimistic title to his story.

Thank you for everything. Until next time _mes amis…_

_J'souhaite que vous soyez heureuses…toujours…_

_À bientôt !_


End file.
